If there were an award to be given for outstanding decision making skills, I would definately not be a candidate. When in this wonderful 30 years of life did I lose the ability to make quick decisions? I think I was once spontaneous, fun, creative. If I woke up and wanted to do something, I didn't sit for hours and weigh out the pros and cons. Nor did I feel the need to make a list of possible consequences to my actions.
I know that not every decision should be taken so lightly, but why is it I've lost the ability to even decide the small things? Why do I make it all so complicated? What to have for dinner? Should I get groceries today or tomorrow? What should I wear? (ladies, you know you feel me there)? Should I go out for a drink or is the high probability of a headache tomorrow not worth the fun tonight? Geeze, when did I become such a prude?
OK,OK, you are thinking that perhaps I'm not remembering that I have a family. That my children, work, obligations, and responsibilities are why things change. And yes folks, that does play a major part in it. Yes if my babies are sick I would much rather be home with them, They are my world, and I love every minute of their smiling faces, projectile vomiting, and poopie diapers. But what is my excuse when they are at their grandparents? Or when I have an available babysitter? Its time I acknowledge that I am not OK with becoming an agoraphobic prude... I must find my spontaneity again. I must reclaim my decision making and in doing so find my adventurous side once more.
So remember that sometimes we all should take a little risk, let us remember that the unknown unlocks the door to adventure, excitement, and yes the occasional next morning headache. Lets skip the list making (when its not a major life decision) and try to have a little unplanned fun. So now that we have got that out of the way, who's up for margaritas?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
The Loss of laughter?
This month I have been faced with an onslaught of emotions. I realized that I often forget who I am. That in this roller coaster of life, I find it all too overwhelming to stop and breathe. I am a mother, an emplyee, a wife, a housecleaner, a cook, a friend, and a plethera of other titles. But what else? Why is it so easy to forget, amidst the chaos and routine, that I am not just a title? Why do we, as women, forget that there is a person inside us, still lingering, wondering when that small window will open and let us out again? I love my titles, my children, and my husband. I am proud of all that I am, I try each day to at least meet, if not exceed the expectations I often place on myself. However, I am more than a title. I think I have simply forgotten how to just be me.
Two days ago, I was amongst friends. Friends who I have been around often. I love their company and hope they enjoy mine. I have spent many occasions talking and visiting with them. For now we will name one of them 'Jerry.' On this specific night, I broke into laughter. Jerry smiled at me and with a look of true amazement joined in the laughter and told me he had never heard me laugh before.
It wasn't until the next day, I truly thought about this. He had never heard me laugh before. Yes I drop a "haha" here and there, give a giggle to the occasional good joke or forwarded email. But I have lost the ability to laugh. A real from the gut laugh. Realizing this, ironically, made me a little sad.
How can I find my laughter? How can I open the window wide enough to let me be all my titles, fulfill my responsiblities and still be the person that is just me? When I figure it out I will let you all know. For now, I will do whatever it takes to find laughter in my life again. To all my readers, I wish you lots of smiles and laughter everyday. Let it all out my friends.
-J. Candidly
Two days ago, I was amongst friends. Friends who I have been around often. I love their company and hope they enjoy mine. I have spent many occasions talking and visiting with them. For now we will name one of them 'Jerry.' On this specific night, I broke into laughter. Jerry smiled at me and with a look of true amazement joined in the laughter and told me he had never heard me laugh before.
It wasn't until the next day, I truly thought about this. He had never heard me laugh before. Yes I drop a "haha" here and there, give a giggle to the occasional good joke or forwarded email. But I have lost the ability to laugh. A real from the gut laugh. Realizing this, ironically, made me a little sad.
How can I find my laughter? How can I open the window wide enough to let me be all my titles, fulfill my responsiblities and still be the person that is just me? When I figure it out I will let you all know. For now, I will do whatever it takes to find laughter in my life again. To all my readers, I wish you lots of smiles and laughter everyday. Let it all out my friends.
-J. Candidly
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